And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
The relationship between siblings, fathers and mothers can be quite complex. King David’s family is no different. The above paragraph is taken from the story of David’s son Ammon and David’s son Absalom and Absalom’s sister Tamar. Absalom and Amnon were half-brothers. Amnon had lusted after Tamar and after an elaborate plan to get her alone in his bed-chamber, he violated her. Absalom was furious and David was angry. But as we read the rest of the story we find that David never does anything about the violation other than passive aggressive ignoring him and preventing him from being in his father’s presence. Absalom will eventually create a plot to kill Amnon. David does the same thing to Absalom and ignores him in a passive aggressive manner. David could not bring himself to even discipline Amnon for violating Tamer. He could not bring himself to discipline Absalom for killing his brother. This is the cycle of family dynamics. A brother doing something wrong, another brother being angry about it and doing something worse and a father who is passive to do anything. This is David, the chosen leader of Israel. He could run for years to escape Saul’s plot to kill him. He could trick the Philistine leaders. He could hide out in caves. He could take a band of lost souls and turn them into an army and raid villages. He could even overcome committing adultery and a murder plot. But when it came to showing the right parenting skills and the right love and firmness in discipline he failed. Such are many of us as fathers. It is only by God’s grace that we survive any of this dynamic in life.
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