Job 18:3-4
Why are we counted as cattle?
Why are we stupid in your sight?
You who tear yourself in your anger,
shall the earth be forsaken for you,
or the rock be removed out of its place?
Tag: What NOT To Do In Counseling/Coaching Others
The above words are the words of one of Job’s three friends. These are the words of Bildad. Bildad has one philosophy of life: If you suffer, you must deserve it (it is because you have done some wicked thing in your life). Bildad has NO room for any other explanation about Job’s condition. This is Bildad’s second speech. Remember, all of Job’s friends came to “comfort” him:
Job 2:11
Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.
But, all three of them were completely wrong with their philosophy and “Biblical” counseling/coaching:
Job 42:7
After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.
You can’t study Job or understand Biblical counseling/coaching/discipleship without taking these two bookend verses into consideration. They came to “comfort” and they did NOT speak about God!!
All three friends made this about them, their philosophy, validation of that philosophy and the “counseling” experience. Note the words of Bildad:
“Why are ‘we’ ...
“Why are ‘we’ ...
His first foray into “comforting” Job is to challenge Job’s characterization of them, by Job. Notice, in the next chapter, that Job, as the one receiving the counsel makes it about him, as well:
Job 19:2-4
“How long will you torment me
and break me in pieces with words?
These ten times you have cast reproach upon me;
are you not ashamed to wrong me?
And even if it be true that I have erred,
my error remains with myself.
Not only is Bildad’s philosophy and the basis of his approach wrong, his making this personal and making it about him and the one being counseled is as equally wrong ... and perhaps just as bad. Hurting people don’t want to talk about the real problems (they are believing arguments in their heads that are against the “knowledge of God” ... 2 Corinthians 10:3-6). Hurting people want to deflect. So, if they can make it about the counseling experience or the counselor’s approach, they can stay away from the real issue(s) ... false belief systems they have that are not in obedience to faith in Christ. I have counseled or coached or disciples hundreds of people. I have learned that what Bildad does here (making it about his reputation and his words and approach), is never going to get the hurting person to talk about the real thing: the Knowledge of who God is. That is why when young Elihu shows up on the scene in chapters 32-37, he talks ONLY about God. That opens the door in Job’s mind for God to come on the scene and talk about Himself and challenge Job’s “knowledge” of God and bring his arguments and imagination into alignment with God (38-41). Don’t make the counseling experience about your words or approach. Don’t debate the merits of your techniques. Keep it about God.