Guidelines for Counseling - Job 20-21

 Job 20:3-4 (ESV)

I hear censure that insults me,

and out of my understanding a spirit answers me.

Do you not know this from of old,

since man was placed on earth,

An important rule or principle in counseling is that you have to remain clam and measured in your responses to the person(s) that you are counseling.  You can’t lose your cool, whether you agree or disagree with the one being counseled. They might do or say something odd that you might disagree with. The might (and often do) say something that even offends you, or attacks you.  But, you can NEVER take the bait.   You have to remember that they are coming to you for wisdom and advice.  They are coming to you because they are hurting and/or in pain.  You cannot be insulted by them.   Yet, this is exactly what happen to Zophar, as reported in the above verse.   Zophar has taken Job’s responses to him and his friends counsel and see that Job is correcting THEM!  He feels “censured” as the above states.  That word means “rebuked” or “corrected.”   Zophar’s thoughts are, “How dare Job speak to this wise group of men this way!”   

How does Zophar balance this?  He tells job that “tradition” has lead him to observe and believe that those in pain and suffering are wicked and deserve what they get.   We know that this is true based upon God’s final judgment.  But, in life, the wicked often flourish.  Never-the-less this is Zophar’s foundational truth: Traditional observations are truth.   He and his friends have no room in their lie-world-view for the suffering of the innocent.   This might be the major take away of the book of Job.   God allows the innocent to suffer.   But, Zophar has no room for this. Instead of listening to Job and trying to search for truth with Job, Zophar takes Job’s pushing back as a personal affront.  This causes him to lose his tack and starts attacking Job with more and more spears and javelins of words.  When we counsel others there are two lessons to learn here:

1. Never make the counseling personal.  If if you are attacked (and Zophar was not) don’t take it personal. 

2. Traditional observations might provide some light on the challenges of people and the reason for the pain people have.  But, tradition has to give way to how God is working in the lives of those we counsel.   Starting with the phrase, “Well, in the past this is what we know ...,” is not a good start.  Each person is different.  Job’s case was indeed different.