Physical and Interpersonal Attraction - Song of Songs 5-6

 Song of Songs 5:16 (ESV)

His mouth is most sweet,

and he is altogether desirable.

This is my beloved and this is my friend,

O daughters of Jerusalem.

In chapters 5 & 6 of this love story we have an unusual turn of events.   If the narrative is real (vs a dream) we have the central woman of the story out looking for her groom, who seems to have abandoned her.   While looking for him during the night she is discovered by some men of the city, who instead of helping her, beat her.  We have no way of knowing if this is real or just a dream.   After she is beaten there is no recorded response to the beating by her lover or anyone else.    But, she asked the other women of the town to help her look for her lover, to which they reply:

Song of Songs 5:9 (ESV)

What is your beloved more than another beloved,

O most beautiful among women?

What is your beloved more than another beloved,

that you thus adjure us?

In the subsequent verses she tries to explain to them why her groom is unique.   After several statements about his stature, his body and his limbs, she comes to his mouth, as stated above.   In her description of her lover, so is enamored by his strength and beauty.   In our Christian world we often down play the “looks” of someone because, after all, God looks on the heart.  Yet, in this book there are many words written about the way these two saw each other in physical form.   We ought to be careful that we don’t “throw the baby out with the bath water” when it comes to physical attraction.   That is certainly part of God’s plan for us.  

But, as we read the above verse we can also see that her lover is much more than a strong column of fine ivory and has a mouth (palate) that is “most sweet.”   She also states he is her friend.    So, her attraction is not simply physical (as the world tends to foster), but rather intimate in relationship. The Hebrew word for “friend” here is a common word in the Old Testament an used almost 200 times.  It can be used as a friend, like we use it today and to the extent of a “lover.”    The key here is that both the physical and interpersonal are being used by the central woman of the story to describe her love.   Yes, he looks like a star from heaven and is as strong as a mountain, but at the same time has the tenderness of mouth and intimacy of a friend.   That is the relationship that is being promoted in this book.    Physical does not trump interpersonal.  But, interpersonal does not negate the physical attraction these to have.   Let us not get so holy that we fail to see the power of both.