Truth #60 - Good doctrine can crush the spirit if it is applied in the wrong manner - Job 18-19

Job 19:2-3
“How long will you torment me
and break me in pieces with words?
These ten times you have cast reproach upon me;
are you not ashamed to wrong me?

Often the approach is as important as the truth!!   We have in these two chapters yet another exchange between Bildad and Job.  In 19:3 we see that this is the “tenth” exchange, although we don't have a record of all their debate.  It should be noted Job's “perception” of Bildad and his friends “discussions” with Job.  In 19:2 we see that Job felt “attacked” and “tormented” (NIV).  Should those we call friends and those we are trying to help through a difficult crisis ever think that we are “attacking” them or “tormenting” them?  Of course the answer is “NO!”   However, has it ever happened … that someone thought their counselor had become their tormentor?  Of course the answer to that question is “YES!”   Although the truth of what we are saying is ultimately important, how we approach them is as equally important.  If those we which to help consider us as their enemy our influence over them is soon diminished.  Paul tells us to speak the truth in “love.”  Don't just give them what they “need” to hear, but give it to them in the “way” they need to hear it.  You will go a long ways in correcting them.  Paul stated the following to the Corinthians in regard to his ministry in the world to the lost:

1 Corinthians 9:22
To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.

Note what Solomon tells us in Proverbs:

Proverbs 11:30
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
and whoever captures souls is wise.

When Daniel approached the King he prayed before he spoke that he would have the right words.  He spoke in the words of loyalty and the words of strategy, something the King would understand.   When Nathan approached David about his sin of adultery and murder he used a word-picture, something David understood.   When Judah was confronted by his daughter-in-law, Tamar, about his unfaithfulness to care for her, she used language he could understand.  We ought not attack those we are are trying to "confront."   We ought to seek to "clarify" their real need.   Bildad and his two friends are Biblical correct but morally wrong.  Their judgment of Job is off target, even while they state correct doctrine.  All those who counsel others should beware:  The truth is you are sometimes off on your application of great doctrine and the person you wish to assist is crushed and damaged by your lack of knowledge of the real issue(s).